K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
