my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
