Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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