Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
