Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
