I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
