if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
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Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
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Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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