Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
