Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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