Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
is wine microwaveable?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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