I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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