Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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