My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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