it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
