When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
