Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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