It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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