he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
