But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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