Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
