This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
