ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Randomize
