bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
