she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
