I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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