...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Do vagina's smell?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
