you told grandpa to call you daddy
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
