No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
