he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
