Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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