Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
