Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
