can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I FOUND THE LEGS
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
