She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
