so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
