You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
