I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
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dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
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you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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