Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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