He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
