I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Too much gin, very little bucket
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
