whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
