grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
