well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
