but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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