My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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