This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
