You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
