is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
