you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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