I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
