good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
