I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
