So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
