Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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