dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
When are your genitals available?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
