This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
