I should be sponsored by Trojan
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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