You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
