I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Come see our sink grown plant.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
