apparently the secret to your success is patron
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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