I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
