Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
