i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
