You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
