Who did Billy Mays play for?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
