girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
