so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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