Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
