I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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