this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
