The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
